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[November 24th, 2009] |
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happy 8th birthday to my live journal.
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[November 18th, 2009] |
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i'm better off alone anyway.
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[July 31st, 2009] |
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2009 is not. my. year.
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[December 8th, 2008] |
when you figure out what you want to do with your life, everything else just seems to fall in to place.
who would have ever guessed in a million fucking years that i'd be a bio major? BIOLOGY. SERIOUSLY?? i used to be all MELLY'S GETTING A D IN BIOLOGY OMGOMGOMG. and now i'm majoring in it. but i'm realizing that the reason i always did so badly in bio was because i never gave a shit. now that i have something to work for i'm realizing that doing well isn't so hard.
i'm also currently nursing a very broken heart. but it's okay. i just play warcraft to take my mind off of it.
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[November 18th, 2008] |
copyright el guante.
ever the wiser
this is not a love song
i wake up every morning reluctantly
you said you were in love with me comfortably
but maybe you just fucked with me
now your love's corrupted me
i'm losin' my religion
provin' my premonition
by losin' to competition
our division, split like nuclear fission
and i ain't missin' the dissin' bitchin' trippin' rippin' on everything i'd given
but it's these vivid visions
makin' me livid 'bout our position
now i'm livin' without your kisses
how 'bout commitment?
i'm sick of this not knowing where you stand
show me that you can
show love when life ain't going how you planned
understand, that through all the shit you put me through
yeah i could be blue
but then it's true that girl you could be too
so what we got to lose? what you got to prove?
i need new shoes
'cause my SOUL's worn out...
they say we ain't supposed to shout
we ain't supposed to doubt
but what they know about?
i can't go without
even when i hate you, i love you
even when we make mistakes, we come to
eventually
so i guess it's time that's the remedy
you used to share a heavenly bed with me
i'm so sick of being enemies
potentially this could weigh heavily on my serenity
so i can't just let it be-- let's do this sensibly
and i ain't the type for ultimatums
but you weren't the type for broken promises-- ya still made 'em
but past is passed and at last i don't neglect that
we can't correct that
forget that-- let's just accept that
and get back, to how it used to be
i'm willing to forgive your using me
and pawning my mom's jewelry
and your abusing me and your cruelty
all the times that you fooled me by speaking bullshit so fluently
you almost ruined me
but we made it through the storm
albeit beaten mistreated ya cheated and left me forlorn
...but i'm willing to sacrifice
even though i can't deny ya appetite for mackin' not actin' right
let's push that back in the past tonight
let's just sit back, relax, and bask in the candlelight
i can't stand to fight-- i still remember
we got together back in september the day i met ya
two years and a month ago last week
we were makin' love two years and a month ago EXACTLY
and actually i guess the first time you caused sorrow
would be like two years and a month ago-- tomorrow
ever since then it's been like up and down
you come around askin' for love and now, ya fuck around
ya run around frantic, i can't stand it
ya took advantage of a hopeless romantic
ya planned it-- and i could never understand it
demanded and was granted how i put up with ya antics
aw dammit...
wait wait wait....hold up... YOU KNOW WHAT?
now that i think of it you're a bitch and i'm sick of it
you ripped my dignity pride my money and my innocence
respect i didn't get it not even a bit of it
though you sat on ya ass while i was workin' triple shifts
i'm an IDIOT
fuck all that shit-- you're pretty swift
you prolly drainin' my funds for some fun in the Carribean
but this was imminent i'm sick of givin' in
the shit i'm livin' in is like a prison and why couldn't you have just admitted it?
i guess i knew it all along
i guess i was just waiting for you to prove me wrong
but whatever now-- shit is over
i'm older and bolder and COLDER
so consider this CLOSURE
i'll grip my pride
ya shit's outside
this is goodbye
'cause bitch ya lied
my, word is bond
i hold my grudges absurdly long
so get gone early on
officially, this is an epiphany
ya wanted to get with me but only caused misery so you're history
so...
get the hell out my vicinity
quickly
copyright el guante.
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[November 17th, 2008] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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if my heart's soaking wet, boy your boots can leave a mess.
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[November 5th, 2008] |
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lord, keep him safe.
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[October 29th, 2008] |
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I AM THE MOST SELF-DESTRUCTIVE PERSON I KNOW.
IT'S COOL THOUGH, I'M PRETTY HAPPY LATELY.
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[October 21st, 2008] |
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i drove home from carolinda's tonight completely content, thinking about how for the first time in forever i am happy with my life.
yeah. don't ever think that kind of shit. you'll just jinx yourself.
if things go back to the way they were before, i'll be crushed.
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[October 16th, 2008] |
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as much as i'd like to believe that i am capable of controlling my emotions and my actions, i have a horrible feeling that i am going to end up unintentionally ruining things.
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[October 16th, 2008] |
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i need you so much closer.
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[September 8th, 2008] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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did you know that if you hook your ipod up to your computer, it'll tell you how many times you've listened to each song?
i didn't. until today. so i'm quite excited by my new discovery. i'm scrolling down my list of songs, thinking "oh wow i've listened to beating hearts baby 263 times? that's crazy" and "i can't believe i've listened to master of puppets 134 times!!"
so finally i decide to just press the play count tab and have all my songs listed in order of how many times i've listened to them. i go to the top to see what my number one is.
i have listened to beast and the harlot by avenged sevenfold 1637 times.
okay. so it'd be one thing if i'd had the song on my ipod for years. but i downloaded it in january. meaning that in 8 months i've listened to it 1637 times. that's fucking ridiculous.
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[May 11th, 2008] |
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i miss melly awesome. i don't even know who she is anymore.
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[March 23rd, 2008] |
i need to move somewhere far away where i dont know anyone. where i can start over completely, build a new life and completely forget everything about my past.
either that or i need to just end it all.
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[February 4th, 2008] |
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rip, my wonderful mazda protege. you were a good friend to me for the last 6 years and i will truly miss you.
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[January 28th, 2008] |
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obama for president.
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[December 12th, 2007] |
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mood |
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 good |
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i am still living with your ghost
lonely and dreaming of the west coast
i dont want to be your downtime
i dont want to be your stupid game
with my big black boots and an old suitcase
i do believe i'll find myself a new place
i dont want to be the bad guy
i dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
i just want to see some palm trees
go and try and shake away this disease
we can live beside the ocean
leave the fire behind
swim out past the breakers
watch the world die
i am still dreaming of your face
hungry and hollow for all the things you took away
i dont want to be your good time
i dont want to be your fall-back crutch anymore
i'll walk right out into a brand new day
insane and rising in my own weird way
i dont want to be the bad guy
i dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
i just want to feel some sunshine
i just want to find some place to be alone
we can live beside the ocean
leave the fire behind
swim out past the breakers
watch the world die.
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[December 9th, 2007] |
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get your fucking life together, melissa.
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[September 8th, 2007] |
learning how to be alone.
and devastated.
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[June 18th, 2007] |
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lupus fucking rocks. as does being hospitalized overnight on a far too frequent basis.
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[October 27th, 2006] |
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igot arresteddddddddddddd. suck it. love, melissa.
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[May 13th, 2006] |
i'm SO drunk right now. but f aything i just wnat to reember thi night as the nght that i spilled beer on dj at the bar.
i'm stilll in love wth ryan but i try so hard to cover it up
but anyway i poured beer on dj on purpose and imso drunk that i barely remmeber it. but i did take beer and pour it on him HAAAHAHAH thats what he gets for having small penis
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[January 20th, 2006] |
THIS TRIP IS A SHITSHOW. we all get ridiculously wasted every night and go crazy. the other night i got so drunk that i slept on garrett and drew's bathroom floor.
im having the time of my liiiife. we are all so incredibly close this point, it's like one big family.
i dont want it to enddd! i want us to stay here for the rest of the year.... and it all ends so soon. we#re in berlin now and its our last stop. i love everzone so much i cant stand the thought of not being with everyone all the time.
BERLIN. the y and z kezs are reveresed and its confusing.
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[January 7th, 2006] |
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oh ps i'm in amsterdam.
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| it is time. |
[December 21st, 2004] |
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mood |
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jet-lagged |
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music |
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le tigre |
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the day has finally come. after over 3 years of being public, livejournal dot com slash users slash hackneyed, THEY CALL HER ACTION, is becoming...
yes. i am going friends only.
if you aren't already on my friends list, comment to be added!
(there is always the chance that this will be just a phase and i will go back to being public. but for now, it's how i roll.)
love,
melissa
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[December 21st, 2004] |
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today we went to sacre-coeur and some guys surrounded me and tried to put some string thing on my finger? i don't really know what was going on, but they surrounded me and i had to force my way through them. then one said "fuck you" and i yelled "sallop!" which was exciting because i had really wanted to yell that at a stranger. then one called me a "sallop de mierd."
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[December 18th, 2004] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
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music |
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mc solaar |
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i'm here in paris and it's amazing. fucking beautiful.
except this morning i threw up all over the side of the road. i don't know what's wrong with me. but it sucks and i feel like crap.
tomorrow= the lourve and notre dame. hot.
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[December 15th, 2004] |
PARIS OR BUST!
i'll be back on the 21st. peace out bitches.
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[December 2nd, 2004] |
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stop ruining my life!
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[November 30th, 2004] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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THE MALACHI CRUNCH |
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after several days of upper-induced insomnia, i got back to elon and slept for 17 hours straight. i need to stop doing this sleeping for the entire day shit. it's screwing my life up.
i woke up at one point with a terrible migraine. at least, i think i did. it might have been a dream.
i'll write about thanksgiving break later maybe. i have class in two hours. that sucks. if morgan wasn't in it i would die.
also, this article makes me want to break shit and cry at the same time: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A15423-2004Nov26.html
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[November 28th, 2004] |
they say this is random. i refuse to believe it.
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[November 24th, 2004] |
HAPPY THIRD BIRTHDAY TO MY LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!!
since november 24th, 2001, you and i have been inseparable, baby.
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| part deux. |
[November 15th, 2004] |
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fucking hell. i really hate boys.
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[November 11th, 2004] |
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mood |
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sick |
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i am fucking dying. i can't even describe how sick i am. i'm going to decapitate myself.
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[November 9th, 2004] |
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i am completely and totally unable to maintain a successful relationship. with anyone. ever.
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[November 9th, 2004] |
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i love college. but sometimes i look around at the rich, preppy, southern, private university that i attend and i wonder what the hell i am doing here.
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[November 4th, 2004] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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all you need is love. |
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i could complain and yell and be angry. but i won't.
i worked my ass off for this election...and it's something that i will never forget. i slaved away for hours and hours, but all the while i made amazing new friends and learned so much about myself and what *i* stand for.
obviously, it was a blower of a night. the democrats lost every seat they ran for except for one in illinois and one in colorado. it's hard to accept. tom daschle is no longer senator of south dakota and that fact alone brings tears to my eyes. but...life goes on.
i am SO glad i went home for election night. being with my dad made it so much easier to handle. we stayed up the entire night watching cnn. and when things looked the worst, he told me stories of the past to reassure me that it will all get better. he told me about the work he did on the robert kennedy primary campaign, only to have him be assassinated right after sealing the democratic nomination. he told me how, though it seemed impossible, we did make it through the nixon era, the reagan era...and we will persevere again. even if it seems like we won't...we will.
i got back here to elon at around 1pm. i think i said one word to lauren before passing out, and slept until about 30 minutes ago. i am drained, mentally, physically, and emotionally. but with absolutely no regrets.
morgan wrote this in her lj. it was just about the nicest thing anyone could say to me at a time like this and i love her so much:
"Ps...I love you Melissa...of all people I know this was the hardest! And I want you to know I think all the work you did on this whole election thing was so cool. The fact that you stand for something that strongly and that you weren't mean about it...I respect that so much! I love ya hunie!!!
like i already said, i have no regrets whatsoever. working on the kerry/edwards 2004 campaign is something that i will remember for the rest of my life and will always have a special place in my heart. it gave me something to believe in and a direction in my life when i felt lost. and despite the turnout, i will always look back on this time of my life with many fond memories.
kerry/edwards 2004. we fought the good fight.
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[October 21st, 2004] |
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mood |
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unloved |
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music |
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tell me who should i be? |
] |
haha. i love being loved.
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| i have a paper due in 3 hours and i'm writing in my lj instead. |
[October 12th, 2004] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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love is a verb here in my room. |
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these past few days have been some of the most amazing of my life.
on saturday afternoon, at around 4:30pm, i left staley 305, got in my car, and proceeded to head north. i drove from elon, north carolina all the way to towson, maryland. according to mapquest, this is a 358 mile drive. when i finally made it to towson university, katie and i had a lot of trouble finding eachother. but when we did, it was a great feeling. you don't realize how much you really miss people until you see them again. we hung out in her dorm for the night and got ready for what would be a crazy sunday.
sunday morning we woke up and attempted to do some homework before we left. katie got some done, but i just played freecell. we left towson university at 3:30pm, made a quick stop at 7-11 for some food, and then headed off toward pittsburgh. since katie loves to drive, she drove my car the entire way there. on the way there, we had some crazy encounters. we saw funny looking yellow motorcycles, parade floats, and lots of bush bumper stickers which we would always yell at. we passed through a place called breezewood. there had been so many signs for it on highway that katie hated it before we even got there. we then got on the penna turnpike and immediately got cut off by a chrystler mini van. it kept changing lanes in front of us and we got really mad at it. but eventually we tag-teamed and we used him to steer us through traffic.
after driving for 251 miles, we made it into pittsburgh at 7:30 or so. pittsburgh is a gorgeous city at night. we got lost as soon as we got into the city. we ended up in a neighboorhood that looked out over the city and asked some girls for directions. we followed them and still got lost. finally after asking about 24986924 people for directions, we made it to the a.j. palumbo center, dressed in really really cute outfits. it was after 8 at this point, so we were afraid that we had missed the beginning of incubus's set. it turned out that they hadn't started yet. the palumbo center is tiny. so even though our seats were far away, they were actually really close.
incubus finally came on, and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. it seems so crazy that we traveled 250 miles just to see a band in concert, but as soon as they started playing it made me realize how much i adore incubus and how i would travel as far as i could to see them.
they started out with pistola, which we knew would be the opening song. we danced and went crazy. katie snuck her digital camera in and took pictures and videos, some of which didn't come out well because of the crazy lighting and because the guy in front of her had a big head. the other two guys in front of us were hilarious and danced like crazy. a few rows down there was a girl in a yellow shirt and she was the most annoying and stupid person i've ever seen. i can't even describe how she acted, but it drove me crazy. anyway. they played pistola, nice to know you, and then idiot box!!!!!! i LOVE that song and i'm so glad they played it. after that came wish you were here, just a phase, stellar...and i don't remember what came after that. they also played vitamin, beware! criminal, sick sad little world, talk show on mute, made for tv movie, megalomaniac and drive.
katie and i had looked at previous setlists and we saw that they usually played southern girl and pardon me for the encore. so they left and then came back out. southern girl was the first song they played, as expected. then we were like, "okay, here comes pardon me, that's cool." but instead they played a certain shade of green. and we FLIPPED OUT. i screamed like a 12 year old. this might be my favorite incubus song of all time. it seemed so appropriate that we traveled so far and they ended the show with our very favorite song.
once it was all over, we headed back to the car. katie wanetd to drive again, which i was very happy about. we saw boyd street on the way back, even though it was completely dark. katie knew where it was because she is psychic. we made it back to towson at around 3am. by that time we were exhausted, but still on this crazy sort of high. we had traveled hours to see incubus. it was probably the craziest thing i've ever done before. but it was so worth it.
i woke up at 9ish by diana jumping on me. we hung around for a few hours and i finally left around 11:30am. i needed gas and got off at the white oak exit to get it. seeing home was a strange feeling. it made me miss it terribly, but at the same time i was excited to go back to north carolina. the rest of the ride was boring. i got back to elon at 5pm and immediately fell asleep for a few hours.
to sum it all up: driving a total of 1300 miles just to go to an incubus concert was probably the craziest thing i've ever done in my life. but it was also one of the greatest things i've ever done. i'm so glad katie and i did this together, because it's something we'll remember for the rest of our lives.
i have two papers due this morning. if i were a sensible person, i would have stayed here this weekend and worked on them. but instead i took a road trip to pennsylvania with an amazing girl. it was an incredible experience and it was totally worth it.
melissa + katie + incubus = love.
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[October 9th, 2004] |
road trip time.
be back monday.
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| whitney is my bitch. |
[October 3rd, 2004] |
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music |
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IN THE KITCHEN ON THE FLOOR! |
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To pick up betterthanthat: Baicarumba...are those real?
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[October 2nd, 2004] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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music |
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you make me wanna LA LA! |
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i love whitney. she listened to me whine, complain, curse, and smoke cigarettes last night. and it was just so awesome to have someone listen to you and reassure you that everything is gonna be okay.
today i saw a mommy duck by the lake and she had like 10 tiny duckies. they were so small that at first i thought they were leaves. it was so adorable.
also, today i received a card saying that i'm registered to vote here in alamance county, AND my absentee ballot from moco. i'm going to vote here in NC though. kerry's got maryland. even though he doesn't have a shot in NC, i'd rather vote somewhere where he could use it.
speaking of, this college democrats shit has me so stressed. i volunteered to run the elections committee. and wow. i've got so much work to do.
right. yeah. the food in harden...it does something to you. and not anything good.
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[September 29th, 2004] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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death cab |
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so i am the biggest idiot on earth, and here is why:
yesterday i got to college democrats late, and the door was locked (i later learned that the wind had blown it shut). another guy was there, a REALLYREALLYREALLY HOT GUY, and he was locked out too. this was our conversation:
me: well, so much for that.
really hot guy: well do you want to go get something to eat instead?
me: no, i've got a lot of homework.
.....
WHO THE HELL TURNS DOWN A HOT GUY TO DO HOMEWORK.
i don't know what i was thinking. i am a loser.
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[September 27th, 2004] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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incubus!! |
] |
from sunday:
me: dude i slept until 3pm today.
lauren: that's because you were stoned off your ass last night!
oh yes. saturday night. oh yes.
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[September 20th, 2004] |
maybe i'm a vindictive little bitch, but i hope to see everyone miserable in college. IT'S NOT HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE, KIDS! can you survive in the real world? i doubt it.
also,
I'M GOING TO PARIS TO VISIT MY BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!
wharthoes in paris. we'll take over the world.
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[September 12th, 2004] |
I JUST FOUND SOMEONE'S LIVE JOURNAL!!!!1
a certain someone.
if you read this, and you know who you are..
thanks for being SUCH a good friend to me.
i'll always remember you for sticking by me,
and standing up for me.
<33333333!!!!!!!
hahahahhaahah.
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[September 10th, 2004] |
hit the ground,
weighed down again
you walked out
but i'm sure you're my friend
it must have been good
this can't be for good
everyone's ...
is everyone ok
i waited.
but i must be too dumb to be proud
because i waited, i waited.
woke to sounds
i prayed you were there
i fell back down
but i'm sure you still care.
it took me so long to get up the nerve to say everything i said to you last night. finally, i got two years of emotions off of my chest. but it doesn't feel as good as i thought it would.
but i must be too dumb to be proud.
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[September 8th, 2004] |
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our dorm room is haunted. no joke.
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hackneyed's journal
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